u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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