Yo dont text me then not text me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
