he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
