I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize