At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
