can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
