Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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