Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
