dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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