so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
