got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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