My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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