I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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