no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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