I puked a lego.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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