Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
