dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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