Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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