I didn't shave. On purpose
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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