i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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