All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
