there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
