i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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