the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize