I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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