Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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