I wish I only lived at night.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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