Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
