there's paper in my vomit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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