I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
