and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
