I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
