I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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