I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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