i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
