Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
