either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
