i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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