Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
