dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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