I hate your face
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
