Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
