We're facebook friends in real life
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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