shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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