This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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