I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize