just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
