based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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