The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
