True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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