I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
