Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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