we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
