Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
