So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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