I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
