lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
