Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
