how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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