Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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