Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I need to stop coming to work sober
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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