I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
