Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
