I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize