How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
