I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
