sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But break dance skills will only take you so far
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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