You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
