I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize